2/26/2021 6:52:27 PM
The world’s love story, by my Father!
Females become mothers physiologically, whilst males become fathers psychologically. Motherhood starts as soon as the fertilized ovum is implanted in the womb; womens’ bodies undergo physiological changes preparing them to serve as mothers not only physiologically but psychologically too. However, Fatherhood does not have any physiological onset, and it won't occur unless it was persuaded.
Therefore, there's a probability of a male with a baby not feeling of being its father, but it's not a high one; Why? Because the influential factors influencing the onset of father-ship are numerous and can induce their affects as early as the babyhood of a baby boy!
Becoming a father for the first time is filled with many difficulties and complexities.(1)
Fathers usually put their wish to have children in the service of their paternal duties via the early emotional relationships they experienced, like their relationship with their own fathers and brothers. (2,3)
When a baby boy is born, the way that he's identified with the caring and the creative behavior of his parents tailors his own father-ship. For instance, a boy who was technically the child of his mother and not having a good relationship with his own father won’t be able to make a good relationship with his own child too! (3)
The father-ship story won't end here; the most essential thing that induces the father-ship is the baby's mother's role. Mothers form a romantic and sensible relationship with their babies but should allow the fathers to develop their own discrete relationship too. Mothers are the ones that teach us how to live in our internal world, whereas fathers are the ones that connect us to the external world. Fathers are the ones that color our lives and make it look more attractive and lovable, but remember this won't happen without the mother’s aid in introducing the baby to his father and making the father aware of his baby. Thus, the quality of the mother-father relationship is the building block of the father-child relationship.
After all, the most critical role that fathers should serve comes. At first, babies have restricted needs like feeding, sleeping, etc. Something that mothers usually give; therefore, they see their fathers as useless and frustrating creatures. Fathers should tolerate this vision and work hard to get out of this frustration zone. (4)
Once this zone is broken, the father-child relationship starts. Mothers are too caring, not allowing their children to be free, not allowing their children to make mistakes, and not allowing their children to learn from their mistakes. Each baby needs two love stories, one with his mother to notice his own internal needs and one with his father to facilitate the transition to the external exciting world. Fathers have a less caring nature making them good risk mediators and reality reflectors. When you do something wrong, your father doesn't hesitate to make you aware of your mistakes because he is less sensitive and does not afraid of breaking your heart; or when you want to take up a new risk or experience your father dares to allow you for the same reasons. That's why the people who establish a good relationship with their fathers are more creative and have better relationships with the outer world and others. (5,6)
I don't want to put you down, but all of the above mentioned influential factors might be induced without establishing an excellent child-father relationship. This relationship is complicated, and other factors like the socio-economic state influence it too. Even if the wife had provided the required aid and the father himself had experienced good relationships in his life span, his economic condition might force him not to exercise a good father-ship; how? Studies show, fathers with low income might find themselves not deserved to be fathers; therefore, not trying to create an attachment to their babies, or even if this feeling was not present, they should work hard to gain money; hence, spending less time with their babies. All of which might make these fathers less energetic fathers. Moreover, we can't forget society and culture's role in shaping this relationship and many other factors and situations. (7)
This was a briefing on how a father becomes a father and how crucial is his role in shaping our personalities. This article is dedicated to the people who were the first authors of our external world’s love story, our fathers.
By: Kawthar Mohamed
USERN manager of the UJA Team and the managing director of NEGOA interest group
References:
1-FELDMAN, S. S., Nash, S. C., & Aschenbrenner, B. G. (1983). Antecedents of fathering. Child Dev 54(6)1628-1636.
2- ZAYAS, L.H. (1987). As Son Becomes Father. Psychoanal. Rev. 74(4):443-464
3-JACOBSON, E. (1950). Development of the Wish for a Child in Boys. Psychoanal. St. Child, 5:139-152.
4- WINNICOTT, D. W. (Ed.). (1964). The child, the family, and the outside world. Penguin Books, London, p. 81
5-Abelin, E.L. (1971). The Role of the Father in the separation-individuation process. J.B. McDevitt & C.F. Settlage (Eds.), Separation-Individuation. International Universities Press, New York, pp. 229-252.
6- BRICKMAN, H.R. (1993). 'Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea': The Dyad and the Triad in Psychoanalytic Thought. Int. J. Psycho-Anal. 74:905-915.
7-William Marsiglio & Mark Cohan (2000) Contextualizing FatherInvolvement and Paternal Influence, Marriage & Family Review, 29:2-3, 75-95, DOI:10.1300/J002v29n02_06